Funny SMS
Roses are red,
Pickles are green
I love your legs and whats between
I wanted to send you something that would make you smile... but the
postman told me to get out of the mailbox.
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends,
charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
What is live ? Live is love. What’s love ? Love is kissing.
What’s kissing ? Come here and I show you.
. Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you
made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
It must have been a rainy day when you were born. Heaven was crying
'cos it lost its most beautiful angel!
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Oh right then! Straight to the point! I want you right here, right now!
4give my eyes 4 admiring u. u stole my heart the moment I saw u call me
crazy, call me insane each time my heart beats it mentions ur name.
Last night I asked my angel to watch over you...but he came back soon.
I asked:"Why?"He smiled and said:” An angel doesn't watch
over another angel...."
Psst! Cutie... ..yes YOU! Ur smiling again Its coz I told u that ur
CUTE hey...... Sometimes we need 2 lie Just to make some one SMILE!
@}--}}-- Its a e-rose. For you ....
Loading the Babe meter.....
5%
17%
26%
57%
78%
99%
100% COMPLETE
Processing data..
ANALYSIS COMPLETE
U R A 100%
Gorgeous Babe XXX
Psst! Cutie... ..yes YOU! Ur smiling again Its coz i told u dat ur CUTE
hey...... Sometimes we need 2 lie Just to make some one SMILE!
If U read U Owe me a HUG, if U delete U Owe me a KISS, if U save U Owe
me a DATE, if U return txt 2 me U Owe me All, but if U ignore Ur MINE,
so what will U do?
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty
& very good-looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget. And if I
die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.
When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't
wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, because I
did it and I found you.
Somewhere, some1 dreams of your smile & finds your presence in
life so worthwhile. So when your lonely, remember its true that some1,
somewhere, is thinking of u.
Falling in love is when she falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in
your dreams !
My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you
all the love I have for you within my heart!!!
Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know
you're worth that sacrafice!
I miss you ... I need you ... More and more .... each day ... I love
you ... more than words ... can ever say.
If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into
a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for
Christmas!
The hardest thing in life is watching someone you love , loving someone
else.
. Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and
that one is ME !
Don't love 1, don't love 2, but love the 1 who loves you.
I love the 'y'
I love the 'u'
I love the 'o'
put them together
and I love 'you'
For the world you are somebody, but for somebody, you are the world!
Lots of love, Somebody.
Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a Mini with
you.
I don't wanna feel the way that I do, I just wanna be right here with
you, I don't wanna see, see us apart, I just wanna say straight from my
heart I miss you
If you're the desert, I'd be the sea. If you hunger then hunger for me.
Everything you ask I'll be. It's all good as long it's you I see.
You can fall from a bridge, you can fall from above, but the best way
of falling, is falling in love!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
Kiss me and you will see stars; Love me and I will give them to you.
4give my eyes 4 admiring u. u stole my heart the moment I saw u call me
crazy, call me insane each time my heart beats it mentions ur name.
Seeking luv is a mission... finding luv is a complexed ambition... so y
not go wiv the asian tradition, and don’t let the parentz
make the decision...
Last night I asked my angel to watch over you...but he came back soon.I
asked:"Why?"He smiled and said:"An angel doesn't watch over another
angel...."
If my right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was Christmas, would
you visit me between the holidays?
A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She asks: What do
you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!
Roses are red, Pickles are green. I love your legs and whats in
between.
I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i like your ass.
I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in
bed
Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation, putting his location
in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you
need a demonstration?
Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please, please....I
really need the money!
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another?
*********************
Birdy, birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I
don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
On this moment 26 million people are sleeping, 28 million people are
eating, 13 million are reading & 1 gay is reading a
sms-message!
Searching for
brain.....
............searching
............searching
............searching
............searching
sorry..no brain found!!!!!!
jack and
jill went up the hill to have a little fun,
but stupid jill forgot the pill
and now they have a son
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a
friend.
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody
home." I went over. Nobody was home
I'm at the Police Station now. The Police caught me and filed a case
against me. *"POSSESSION OF A GORGEOUS FACE"* i'm doomed. the evidence
is very clear. HELP!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I
realized that I was talking to myself.
74
missed
calls
you fucking wish
We are pleased to tell
you your results .......
...............................
..............................
your IQ test came back
Its Negative!!
Hi i'm an alien i'm
checking for some chicks in your phonebook
searching.....
searching.....
searching.....
sorry no chicks found.
conclusion, your are a Sad Bastard!!
We will now upgrade your brain,
please wait............
Searching............
Searching.........
still searching..............
sorry NO BRAIN found ! ! !
Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat,
idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat!...Now read it
without the word cat.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Your village called...They want their idiot back.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Feeling stoned? feeling high? Fuck a duck and try to fly.
Don't drink water.… Fish fuck in it!
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I
will leave, I can't find a brain.
I don't love. I don't care. I just married a millionaire. And if he
dies I don't cry, I just fuck another guy.
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one
doesn't.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16… Shut up,
Albert…
. How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ...................
.................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I
realized that I was talking to myself
Hi I'm an alien I'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook
searching..... Searching..... Searching..... Sorry no chicks found.
Conclusion, your are gay!
How do you keep an idiot in suspense??? ............. ............
...Tell you later!!!
Please turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to
use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it.
Thank you
MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)they r always out of order 2)they stink 3)the nice
ones r always engaged 4)they consume large amounts of liquid 5)r
constantly full of shit!
. This sms can only be readied by someone SEXY:...try
again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey
don't force it ugly!!!
Yes, God made you first, but there's always a rough draft before the
final copy.
If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you
need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER
CANNOT BE REACHED!
Are your teeth cold? ... No? ... Why are they wearing yellow jackets
then?
Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants
all the girls to meet his one need.
He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He
puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
Love the way it rubs against the soft, pink flesh and creates a creamy
foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down. Cant wait 4 next
time; I LOVE MY TOOTHBRUSH
Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going?
Girls are like Internet domain names... the ones I like are already
taken.
Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked too, but if you
press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
God made man and then rested, god made women and then no one rested.
Teacher: I wish you would pay a little attention! Student: I'm paying
as little as I can sir!
Roses are red , violets are bleu, a face like yours belongs to the zoo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Frankenstein is ugly, but what the
hell happened to you?
I'm not as dumb as you look!!!
If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.
Why do men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
It’s like dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY! So what? Who's in a hurry?
Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my
handwriting...
Why are women like parking spaces?... B’coz the good ones are
always taken and the rest are all disabled!
Why are tornados named after women??? Because when they come they are
wet and wild then when they leave they take the house and car.
No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No
School, no problems! Why Boys??
NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out Disneyland. she pulled up her
skirt, sat on Pinocchio’s face & shouted lie u
bastard, lie, lie!
When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you
a shower!!
A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him: dad why do you keep on
telling everyone that your dying of AIDS. He replied "So that when i
die no 1 will fuck ur mom!”
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic
signs say stop
When things go wrong; and when sadness fill ur heart; and when tears
flow in your eyes, just let me know coz i want to b there for you. I'm
Selling tissues
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?
U found a genie in a bottle & he said 2 u 'Name me ur wish' n
you said 'make me gorgeous' he replied 'I grant wishes, not miracles!'
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman
talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
Kissing is a habit, Making love is a GAME! Guys get pleasure, Girls get
pain! He says love u & she believes its TRUE.. but when tummy
gets bigger, he say 'Hell to U'.
Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's
not mine!
If you really wanna get stoned, drink wet cement.
Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make
them all yourselves!!
Life is like toilet paper, long and useful !!!!
On the toilet: Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to
shit like thunder!
How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28
look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray 4
it,Age 78 4get it
If you want a little brother, kick your dad and fuck your mother.
Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your phone and right
now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you're
smiling now!!
Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI
(ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD
TO BE TRUE)..
How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after
sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonnaise?
Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its
Still pretty good
Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself and save a
quarter.
Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for money. If you
think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!
. Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs
and Multiply!
Don't be silly, put a condom on your willy.
This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now starting...beep
6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found!
This time im sure about what i feel & I’m gonna say
it, i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with
Shaven Pussys!
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat
her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2
bed!
Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me
so HORNY!!!
It's a hard life being a penis, you have a head with no brain, one eye
that's blind, 2 neighbours that are nuts, the others an arsehole
& in the good days a wet pussy.
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME.
Can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
I saw you walking on the street. Your eyes, your lips, your nose..
Everything look perfect. I couldn't help sing to myself, 'WHO LET THE
DOGS OUT!! WOOF!'
4 sounds women make during sex. 1 asthmatic; ah.ahh.ah..ah 2 obedient;
ys.yes..yess 3 unsatisfied; more.more..mmore 4 religious; oh god..oh
god...
3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing.
2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down
after the performance.
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can
always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will
have it enlarged.
GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked,
I'd probably die laughing
******************
Mmm Baby, Ur so sexy, so cool, so beautiful, so classy… oh!
Where were we?!
Damn Baby! Somebody has to call the cops because the way U look
ain’t fucking legal.
Baby, haven’t I seen Ur picture anywhere? Oh yeah, it was in
the dictionary, next 2 the word HOT!!!
Baby, I must be dreaming b’cos the way U look is unreal.
Baby, I know milk does good 2 a body, but damn how much have U been
drinking lately?!?!
Baby, I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week, just 4 U!
Are you free for the rest of your life, or I have 2 pay?
Baby , your daddy must be a terrorist because you are DA BOMB!
If loving U is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby.
************
7 qualities to be a perfect wife: Beautiful, Responsible, Energetic,
Adorable, Sweet, Truthful and Self-Organised. In short, she must have
B.R.E.A.S.T.S
*Sex is an evil , sex is a sin , sins are forgiven , so let's begin.
what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid??
if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!!
hickory dickory doc
some bitch was sucking my cock
the hairs got tangled
the bitch got strangled
hickor dickory doc
What’s long and thin, covered in skin and god knows how many
holes its been in? A worm!!!
I’m your secret admirer! u touch me in all the right places u
always know how 2 turn me on yer lookin at me right now smilin,who am
i? im your phone u fool!!
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
Love is Sweet, Love is sad, but with me in bed Love is the best thing
you ever had.
A Short thing, It gets Longer when U hold it, then it pass between
women Breasts, then it enters into a hole What is it? Car Seat Belt, U
dirty mind.
U got style, u got sex-appeal, u got the intelligence and u sure got
the body. Wait. Sorry, wrong number!
There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Cuddle-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, SM-Sex,
Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people like you: NO SEX.
According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS: 1.FACE-show
room 2.BOOBS-play room 3.TUMMY-store room 4.VAGINA-men's room
5.ANUS-emergency room
A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the
rooster laughed! LESSON: when there’s a wet pussy, there's a
happy cock!
When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen
she's ready to fuck!
The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet
without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die
I love you in the morning, I love you in the evening, but most of all,
I love you when you are leaving
What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still
sucks after five years!
Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks.
There's already one asshole in there.
Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute;
short...sweet and always cheap!!!
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN A PUSSY CAT AND A PUSSY? ANS: ONE HATES
WATER WHILE THE OTHER LOVES TO BE WET
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
What's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull
a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty
means IT'S SHOWTIME!
A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with
leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he
answered - waitng 4 autumn.
*********
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